It’s my own doing really.
I fear allowing people in because if I let them in, then they might find out something about me that is ugly or find out that I really don’t have it all together, despite outward appearances, and then they might leave, taking a piece of me with them as they go. So rather than jumping right in to new relationships with fellow believers and non-believers alike, I remain on the outskirts of the conversation, eagerly waiting and hoping that someone will notice me and invite me in. It’s always been this way and that’s probably the way it will always be.
As we begin this new year, my prayer for all of you is that you would know, by Jesus’ blood and grace, that the way that it always has been is not the way it always has to be. The Lord tends to call us out in areas of our lives where we feel the least confident or the least comfortable. His ways are not like our own (Isaiah 55:8). No, indeed his ways are much better than ours and that means that when we follow him, our lives and circumstances will forever be changing.
From my own life I see that the Lord has called me into a career path that will, in one way or another, involve public speaking. I detest public speaking, or at least the “old me” detested public speaking. As part of my schooling, I had to take a Natural Resources based public speaking course last spring. When we started, I was a stiff, jabbering mess who had no clue what to do with her hands or arms and who couldn’t make eye contact if her life depended on it! While I still need to work on my self-confidence, the end result of that public speaking class was the very beginning of a beautiful transformation that is still taking place, similar to a caterpillar transforming into a beautiful butterfly.
God has led me to several blog posts in which the author asks the readers to pray about a specific word or theme to focus on for the new year. My theme for 2014 is “discover” (confession here: I’m a closet adventurer. I love seeing where unknown roads and paths will take me as long as I know I can return safely to where I started). While I don’t know all of the discoveries in store for 2014, I do know that the beautiful transformation that God began will continue as a result of those discoveries, and that is a wonderful blessing!
What transformation is God making in your life? Are you embracing the changes that are happening as a result of this transformation or are you digging your heels in?
Read Isaiah 43:18 and Revelation 21:5